Repent! Atone! Starve!

I know the title of this blog sounds a little like a Mel Brooks movie or an Off-Off-Off Broadway (not Tony Award winning) musical... It doesn't even sound remotely like anything that would have to do with describing a great food experience.... (quite the opposite, in fact) But, I DO know that for those of you religious folks out there, it may sound even a little wrong (who are we kidding... A LOT wrong!)... and for that, I somewhat apologize.

Last week I went to a couple of gatherings of my tribe to celebrate the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashana. I was amongst complete strangers at both events, but in true Jewish fashion (or Italian, if it helps you readers get the picture), was made to feel completely at home. In "Jew", this means having the ability to stuff my face while speaking about how spiritual I am.

One of the gatherings was at a local Synagogue where about 10 people gathered around a table that was 5 feet away from an even larger table with enough food on it to feed 50 people (sound familiar?). The second gathering was at the house of my Israeli cab driver (I know that is hard to imagine...) where it was a sit down feast for 18 people (good Jewish number) and there was enough food to feel 60 people. NO WONDER we atone for our sins a week later! This utter indulgement and over production of food is downright crazy!

Now, don't get me wrong... I thoroughly enjoy being able to feed myself for a week following Rosh Hashana... It's like the Thanksgiving turkey and stuffing that takes up the entire refrigerator space for a week following that gluttonous holiday (and the cranberry sauce that lingers yet another couple of weeks). But by the time Yom Kippur rolls around, I must say, I don't even need anymore food and fasting is almost a blessing in disguise.

For those of you goyim out there, Let me explain the Traditional foods of Rosh Hashana as a segwue to the Starvation of Yom Kippur:

The Round Challah (as pictured above) symbolizes a perfect year to come (like the wheel of life and death I have tattooed on my foot that symbolizes the continuity of life and death... YES, I have a tattoo... and NO, I do not want to be buried in a Jewish cemetery) Sometimes raisins are added, but I am a Challah Purist, relying on the richness of the eggs and honey in the bread itself to fill me up before the rest of the food even reaches the table. Now, at the first gathering of Jews I went to at the synagogue, the coordinator had special ordered the challah from a local bakery here in Boulder, asking for a traditional round challah... what she got was a whole wheat bread smushed into a round shape that tasted like yeast. (I appreciate the fact that the baker must have been thinking about our health... this is Boulder, Colorado after all.... but give me a fucking break!) This Challah, I wouldn't even feed to the pigeons... especially New York City Pigeons of discerning and sophisticated palates!

Apples and Honey: We dip the apples in honey to symbolize our wish for a sweet year to come. At one gathering, someone asked "What kind of apple is the right apple?"... I had never contemplated this before, as I liked the answer that someone gave which was to choose the tartest apple she could find (the Granny Smith) because the honey would make it sweet. At the house of the Israelies, it was asked "Why the apple?" Well it is the newest seasonal fruit of the year, that's why.

Head of Fish: Fish is an ancient symbol of fertility and abundance (strangely, I couldn't get my head out the gutter wondering about fish and the idea of where babies come from... if Jews believed in hell, I'm sure that's where I would be going right now). The head of fish symbolizes the head of the New Year. The head also symbolizes our hope that the Jewish people will lead other people through their righteous acts. Maybe we eat the head because it is what other people would throw away? I mean Jews are frugal...downright cheap sometimes.... though if i could only have scooped the cheeks out of the fish head that was displayed on the table, I would have felt complete.

These foods are followed by a feast of lamb head, sweetened chicken, spinach, potatoes, rice, carrots, food, more food, and more food. I have attached a photo of lambs heads that I took at a market in Greece, just to give you the idea of why it may be that after this holiday, We fast for Yom Kippur.

Yom Kippur Starts Today.... The other night I prepared myself with a couple of maragritas and some lamb. Peasant Food...

In the photo above it looks like the one guy standing up against the altar next to the Rabbis did the same thing... he is either holding his head because he has a hangover, he feels guilty about whatever he did last night, both, or neither.... maybe he's just hungry.

According to Jewish tradition, each person's fate is written for the coming year on Rosh Hashanah and we wait until Yom Kippur to "seal" our fate. During the week we are eating all the leftovers, Jews try to amend our behavior and seek forgiveness for wrongs done against God and other people we encounter. The night before and the day of Yom Kippur we confess our guilt (as if any Jew needed to confess guilt... just call your mother and the guilt flows like a river downstream emptying into an ocean of even more guilt).

And at the end of the day on Yom Kippur, we are forgiven.

I don't know about you... but when I lose the 5 pounds I gained this week I will forgive myself for how "spiritual" I was during this holy time.... and then do it all over again next year.