Lesson #3: How to Spit... or Swallow... like a Pro!

The ending to the title of this blog could also have been "like a baseball player" or  "like a real man".
But really, for the purposes of my audience, it should read something like "How to Spit Wine like a Pro!"

I have been inspired by all the wonderful wines I have been tasting as of late... a result of working part-time for a fine wine distribution company... the perks of which include: endless schmoozing with foodies and esoteric winos, the leftover wines after tastings wines with my accounts, or my personal favourite: tasting numerous wines at 9am in the morning before going out for a day of schmoozing with the aforementioned foodies and winos.  Fun times, i tell ya.

And, while I know WHY it is important to spit wine (will get to that in a minute), when I open a bottle of, say, oh... I don't know.... 2006 Domaine Serene Jerusalem Hill Pinot Noir, or 2007 DuMol Russian River Chardonnay, it makes me want to cry thinking about the day i have ahead of me of watching my accounts spit out that liquid gold, that precious precious libation!  But professional wine tasting can turn out to be somewhat of a sport and if one is not careful, one can get very very drunk,  very very quickly.  I learned this living in Napa Valley and especially when working at Duckhorn Vineyards, where I would routinely volunteer to be the wine taster at 8:30 each morning before we opened our doors to the public.  This would promptly be followed by a retreat to the kitchen of the winery where I would make a fritata of some sort using the leftovers of the foods I would prepare for the Wine and Food education I would do later in the day.  Now that I look back on it, that job wasn't so crappy as I sometimes had thought.

So let me explain to you the reasons for spitting and ways you can do it without looking and sounding like a fool.

You have heard the premise behind letting your wine breathe, I am sure.  There are a couple of things actually  happening when you open the bottle, decant it, and swirl it in your glass.  First, the wine has some time to get used to its new environs.  Wines go into shock when they are first bottled because they have spent a certain amount of time living in oak casks, or stainless steel tanks, or even concrete vats, and they get pretty used it.  We humans get comfortable in our living space to... so change our surroundings suddenly, and we go into shock as  well... thankfully we have Lorazopam for that.  Wine, on the otherhand has no recourse other than to accept what has happened as true.

When the wine is to be tasted, it will be evaluated on appearance, aroma, mouthfeel, taste, and its finish.  To make the most of the Connoisseur's tasting of wine, swirling it in the glass doesn't just look freu freu... it has purpose.  One is to create more surface area for the wine molecules to escape the glass.  Think of it like lifting a cheek to pass gas.  It just facilitates the breathing of the wine.   Just be careful.
A more important purpose?  Volatizing the Esters.  "WHAT!?!" you say?  Basically, by agitating the wine, the ester molecules (part of the alcohol molecule) free themselves and attach themselves to the acid molecules like new lovers do when they've freed themselves from old ones.  The esters and acids create long strands of molecules that feel smoother on the tongue than the harsh short ester-alcohol molecules.  This is one acid trip I love and don't mind the flashbacks.

So when will I ever get to the spitting?  Now that you have learned to swirl your wine, lets take a sip... that's right... don't be embarrassed to sound like a Chinese man slurping soup... I WANNA HEAR YOU MAKE SOME NOISE PEOPLE!!!  Why?  Because aerating the wine and heating it up with the temperature inside  your mouth brings out the bouquet of the wine.  To make a distinction between the snooty terms "aromas" and "bouquet" let me put it to you this way:  the aroma is what the grape would normally smell and taste like if we didn't want to get drunk from it by turning into an alcoholic beverage... the bouquet is a product of how the winemaker has manipulated the grapes so that he can get drunk.

The next time you are out at a nice restaurant, a winery tour, or amongst friends, remember these words...  Mean people suck... good people swallow.... and spit.

Chin, chin.