This coming week there will most likely be a huge spike in sales of laxitives.
What do you expect when, for 8 days, Jewish people the world over are going to be eating cardboard (I mean Matzo), and its many incarnations...
If Jews believed in Hell, this would be the point in which I would say "So what the hell is the correct way to spell Matzo, Matzah, Matza, Matze, Matsah..."
And I could sound a little like Bubba from Forrest Gump if I were to list the many things you can do with Matzo: Matzo Ball Soup, Matzo Brei, Matzo Meal, Matzo Brittle....
Like every good recipe that Grandma passes down, consider this one a recipe passed down from our great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great- forefathers and mothers.... its just one that ain't so great.
So the story goes... though none of us were there to bare witness... the Jews escaped from Egypt (frogs, locusts, blood and all) and in preparation for their extended camping trip in the desert, tried to squeeze in some fresh baked bread in their scurrying outta there. 18 minutes later, they left with bread as flat as a board, yet what a space saver!
In an Time Magazine Article written in 2009 Claire Suddath wrote "Jewish people all over the world will remember their exodus by forgoing cakes, cookies, pasta and noodles — anything made to rise with yeast, baking soda, etc. — in favor of the only bread product they're allowed: matzo" I would HARDLY say "in favor" when referring to this mixture of flour and water. It's just a cooked form of eating paste.
When I was in Culinary School at The Culinary Institute of America, I was asked to write a thesis on a controversial subject in the culinary industry. While everyone was busy writing about Wild vs.Farm Raised Salmon, I was busy thinking of a subject matter close to my heart... Matzo Balls: Floaters vs. Sinkers. I am a fan of the sinker.... exactly why my medicine cabinet has a stock of Ex-Lax.
In my research to define the perfect Matzoh Ball, I discovered a lot about this Jewish "delicacy", if you can call it that. Poor Jews and other all over the world have always used some form of doughy dumpling to make soups of stones and water more hearty and fill the belly. After the commercialization of Matzo by
Manischewitz, they included a recipe book (like a toy surprise you might find in a box a cereal), to help housewives make use of this Jewish "wonderbread".
This food is SO special, that during the Passover meal, 1/2 a piece, called the Afikoman, gets hidden by the host for all to find during some part of the meal where you are trying to digest (and forget) the enormous amount of food you have just consumed... in the hopes of winning some prize... actually, it si supposed to be the surprise... dessert! My father always hid it under his butt.... thankfully we were so full of matzoh already, it was not eaten. Looks like the Father in the picture above hid his matzoh under his butt too, seeing as all the children are under the table.
(Oh... and the creepy old man in th window? That's the Prophet Eleijah waiting to drink your wine when you're not looking)
Check out other things you can do with Matzo in this Hilarious video "2o Things You Can Do With Matzo"
I once entered a Matzo Ball Eating Contest at Ben's Delicatessen in NYC. It was for a good cause, and I was hoping to win the grand prize, a weekend in Montauk, Long Island. Little did I know that Professional Contest Food Eaters were going to enter this contest as well. we had 2 1/2 minutes to eat as many of Ben's Matzoh balls as possible. these are HUGE FLUFFY TASTELESS balls floating in a yellow broth. I ate almost three as i proceeded to get vomit all over me from the man next to me who tried to hold it in and in his efforts to pinch his lips closed, shot matzo mush all over my right side. He was disqualified. The winner, a woman at least 50 years old, had a method to her matzo ball eating madness. Matzoh ball in one hand, salt shaker in the other, she proceeded to salt each and every bite as it was shoved down her throat. She ate 11 1/2.
Happy Holidays!
1 comment:
creepy guy in the window LOLLL! i was wondering.
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